Rapidly Approaching Rock Bottom....
So, I am running a half-marathon in July with a crazy friend of mine who seems to think that I can haul my fat ass (although admittedly less fat than it used to be, but still in the upper percentile) across the finish line in under 3 hours. (Note: You can't even sign up unless you state you can finish in less than 3 hours; how do they verify this? For first-timers like me, it is a total crapshoot. I guess I can...what are they going to do if I can't? Kick me out? Puhleease, I will already be enroute to the hospital via ambulance sucking on an oxygen mask.)
Since failing the motherfucking bar exam, AGAIN, finishing this half-marathon, and not actually dying while doing so, has become vitally important for the following reasons:
1. It will prove that I can finish something....worthwhile. Don't even get me started on finishing law school.
2. It will prove that I don't fail at EVERYTHING I do.
3. It will prove that I can stay on the path to health and vitality I started down in an attempt to bring myself out of the dark and evil pit that was my first attempt at the bar exam.
I really don't know what I will do if I can't finish this half-marathon. I need it for my sanity. Which is an improvement over what I needed for my sanity the last time I failed: Rocky Road and Belvedere Vodka.
So, I ran my fat ass some 6 miles yesterday and I am headed out for some more today. I really just need to succeed at something. Anything.
3 comments:
6 miles! I used to be an avid runner but I've all but given that up in the last few years. I keep thinking I should at least map a one-mile route around my neighborhood and then make myself run it in the mornings before work. Running has always helped me lose weight when I wanted to, but I still loathe it so...
I did a half marathon several years ago without even training for it, and I managed to finish it (but not without much pain and agony) so I have all the faith that you'll be able to finish it, especially since you've actually been training for it. Walk (or crawl) if you have to, but just finish. Then eat lots of crap to make up for all the calories you burned off!!! Or not. :)
Your ass is perfect, and so are you!
I know you don't want to hear the same tired, peppy "You can do it!" remarks that sound shallow even as it's being said. But may I say, I know exactly how you feel. I also know that for us to be here, we've accomplished a great deal. It's because our standards are so high that we're so disappointed. But there's no choice, we have to forge ahead. It takes a combination of things to pass the bar -- skill, endurance, knowledge, and luck. Sometimes, it doesn't come together in the right combination enough to pass. This time it will. Don't let the pyschological toll of being a repeater be your downfall. This is the biggest hurdle you have to overcome.
And remember, you have a fabulous husband. In the end, that's so much more important than this.
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