My Advice to Hilary.

A woman is going to run for President of the United States. I wonder if things are a little icy down in hell today?

Regardless of how you feel about Hilary, the fact that a woman is running for President is a huge sign that times are changing. And if Barack Obama decides to run, everyone in Texas is going to tearily cling to their shotguns and pray for Armageddon! Ann Coulter is probably having an aneurysm right now. These events should make the next year and 10 months oh so interesting. And what a great time to be in law school! We endlessly fought about women running for president and it wasn't even a possibility then, I can hear the soapboxes being dragged out as I write this!

But Hilary, girl, I think you need a little help. A little help from a woman that doesn't know anything about politics or running for president, but knows a thing or two about men. According to The League of Men Voters (http://www.leagueofmenvoters.org/index.html) women are voting in larger numbers than men. Apparently, for every 100 male voters that take part in national elections, 115 women take part. HHHmmmm. This is great news for Hilary.

Women, in general, can be bitchy and catty. I think Hilary should concentrate on the male vote and with a few minor PR-type changes in her presentation, she can manipulate the male vote in her favor. Here is a list I have for Hilary with some suggestions for how to win the male vote:

10. Wear shorter skirts and get rid of the pants. Regardless of what Ann Coulter says about her calves, men like skin and they want to see it.

9. For the same reason listed above, show more cleavage; invest in a Wonderbra.

8. Go to a party at the Playboy Mansion. Make friends with The Girls Next Door.

7. Promise to declare the Monday after Superbowl Sunday a national holiday so no one has to go to work hungover.

6. DO NOT air your speeches, political campaign slogans, commercials or debates on any channel showing any sporting event ever.

5. Have Anheuser-Busch sponsor your campaign travel and have kegs at all your rallies and speeches.

4. While on said campaign trail, if you are in a city that has a professional sports team of any kind, wear that team's jersey while giving your speech. If that city has more than one professional team, make more than one speech!

3. Appear in a swimsuit (preferably one that is red, white and blue) on the cover of Maxim. Or Stuff. Or FHM. Or all three.

2. Promise to put the Texas Cattle Barons in charge of the White House Kitchen. Meat and potatoes for everyone!

And the number one piece of advice I would give Hilary to get men to vote for her is...

1. Grow your hair long. Doy.

Really, Hilary, you said on your website www.hillaryclinton.com that you are in it to win it. Then play the game by the rules that have been established since Adam gave up that rib. You are not a man, so don't try to be like one. Don't try and run for president and change how men view women in politics too. That is too much to do in one lifetime.