Ok, Listen Up, Peeps!!

I like to think that I am slowly becoming my old self. Other than the little vomit-in-my-mouth episode from last week, the bar exam is slowly becoming a thing of the past. I am going to the gym. Going out with my husband. Reintroduced myself to my friends. Got the new job. Sleeping more, drinking less (not really, but drinking less due to suicidal/bar related thoughts). So, it would stand to reason that my patience would return as well.

Turns out, not so much. During bar review last July, I swear I thought I was going to actually break the horn in my car, I used it so much. I began to actually flip people off, which is something I never used to do as I was afraid of getting shot in the head by some road rager. Of course, driving around Berkeley with all the other psychotic Barbri students looking for parking is actually a short cut to the booby-hatch. Nothing will make you crazier.

It wasn't much better in February. There was the Grandma-with-the-new-cellphone incident at the library. And the Ipod incident, which frankly, was too disturbing to blog about. Suffice it to say I now have a new one. I was still honking at people and cussing like a sailor, which my mother abhors, but my husband finds "endearing." I think this is his word for "totally fucking annoying" but he wisely chooses not to say that because he likes having sex and wants to continue to do so. But I digress.

My patience has not returned and it doesn't look like it will be making an appearance any time soon. I know this, because when people ask me questions about the bar exam, I want to stick a fork in their eyeball.

So, the foregoing is my "press release" so to speak, that will hopefully answer any and all of the questions people have about the bar exam:

1. Yes, I am glad it is over.

2. Yes, it was very hard.

3. Yes, I know JFK, Jr. failed too.

4. No, results have not been released yet.

5. Yes, it takes a long time to get the results. Because the graders are lawyers, that's why.

6. Oh, I think I did great. I nailed it! (Seriously, what are you supposed to say to this question? "I think I fucking failed again, ruined my life, embarrassed my husband and needlessly threw thousands of dollars down the drain, all for a career that will ultimately give me ulcers and high blood pressure?" Who wants to hear that??)

7. No, I am not nervous about the results at all; my life and financial future are hanging in the balance, but no biggie.

8. No, the questions were different than the questions in July. Yes, I know that is unfair.

9. Yes, I had to retake THE WHOLE THING. They don't let you only retake the part you failed.

AND HERE IS THE BIGGIE...PAY ATTENTION, PEEPS...

10. THE RESULTS COME OUT MAY 25, 2007 AT 6:00 P.M.

Most of the people who ask me these questions are lawyers, who should know better, but are seemingly suffering from some form of post traumatic stress syndrome and have blocked out their own bar exam experiences. I can only hope this will happen to me...