All righty then. I'm out. I am in the zone and won't be online until after the bar. I am sure I will have some great stories about some of the stuff I see at the bar exam!
I am spending the weekend after the bar out of town with my perfect husband...but I will be back on Monday with a vengeance!
To all bar takers: May the Force be With You!
BUT THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T KILL MEREDITH ON GREY'S ANATOMY!! Oh, and Denny, the wonderful Denny was on to guide Meredith back to life. LOVE Denny, he is the best one that has ever been on that show. What a relief that Meredith's bitchy mother has gone on to meet her maker and please, will someone, hopefully Callie, BITCH SLAP Izzie?? That would be hot! Callie would kick her whiny, butter-eating ass!
Grey's Anatomy was all I could think about yesterday. I am sure my husband would be thrilled to hear that. Oh, and whether or not I should buy some long underwear to wear under my clothes at the bar. I am going to be in a large convention center and I fear I am going to freeze my ass off. I can't wear a hat, or gloves, so I better pile on the layers.
Ok, back to Evidence......after I go to Target for some long johns!!
It seems I had a minor incident at the public library today.
It is literally one week before the bar exam, and I must say, I am kicking ass and taking names. I have had 4 days in a row where I have completed my daily schedule for that day. I am in "final review" and let's be clear, that is no small task. I find it amazing that I am able to stay on task with all the juicy current events going on. Anna Nicole! Tim Hardaway! BRITNEY SPEARS! I cannot type fast enough.
But, just like the Banshee incident I described in my post, Scarred for Life, another unfortunate individual has decided to test my mettle. Instead of a lunatic crumbsnatcher, it was a little old lady. Yes, a grandma, complete with blue helmet hair she hasn't washed in a week and Easy Spirit walking shoes.
So, Granny-gate went down like this. I was humming along, reviewing Constitutional Law, right on schedule, pleasantly surprised that I was not, in fact, freezing my ass off as I normally do in this godforsaken arctic circle I call a public library. I was in my normal spot, THE QUIET STUDY AREA, near the periodicals and far, far away from CrumbSnatcher Land, when I hear a cell phone ring. The ring tone was The Battle Hymn of the Republic. All righty then. Grandma answers her phone and carries on what appears to be a conversation with her daughter that makes two things crystal clear to me: 1) Grandma has newly acquired said cell phone and 2) Grandma is frighteningly hard of hearing.
Ok, but she is cute in her little purple sweat suit and Easy Spirits reading about Britney in US Weekly. How cute that she is actually able to see, let alone work properly, the key pad on a cell phone the size of a plum. I do yoga breaths and let it go.
Then it happens again. Apparently her son heard from her daughter that Grandma got a new cell phone.
And then it happens again. Another daughter. Mine eyes have NOT seen the glory of this particular situation.
Yoga breaths are no longer working for me and I have no readily available narcotics or depressants on me. Damn. (Note to self: must bring Vicodin to library.)
When child number four calls to chat with Grandma, I can feel it. Something inside me snaps and I decide to cut out the worthless middle man that is the library clerk and go directly to the source of my pain. As Grandma gets off the phone, I walk up to her and as I have previously been put on notice of her lack of auditory perception, I speak very closely and very slowly to her and tell her that this is a public library and that she is sitting perilously close to the QUIET STUDY AREA and that she needs to take that thing outside, turn her ringer off or put it on vibrate as some of us ARE TRYING TO STUDY!!!!!
I know, I know, this sounds harsh, but it was better than what I really wanted to say, which was, "Turn that thing off before I shove it up your ass!" That would be decidedly rude as well as bad karma, so I controlled myself.
Assault, according to the State of California, is intentionally placing a person in reasonable apprehension of an immediate harmful or offensive touching. So calm down, I didn't touch her or commit a battery, which would be an intentional harmful or offensive touching. I think I may have scared her because she looked at me with her lower lip quivering, and agreed to take the chit chat outside.
Since I have chosen this blog, a "public forum" so to speak, to defile both children and the elderly, I fear my political aspirations are a thing of the past. Tune in tomorrow for my post entitled, "I Hate Animals and Don't Recycle."
Since I am now in pre-bar exam panic, I really should be getting to the library. But, I was a good girl this morning and went to the gym and while I was going to town on the elliptical trainer, I watched the news. I feel like I could write endlessly about all the ridiculous goings-on in the world. Not a good way to start the day, especially when today is Community Property and Torts final review day.
I hope this doesn't come off like a Hardaway-esque diabtribe, but I have a bit of a rant about the criminal justice system to get out of the way today so I can move on to the studying. (Ranting about criminal justice = studying for the bar! Go, me!!)
Troy Ellerman, a Colorado attorney that represented various individuals in the BALCO scandal, plead guilty to obstruction of justice for leaking grand jury testimony and is trying to get the prosecutor to agree to two years in prison and a $250,000 fine. He will also likely be disbarred.
Hilda Figueroa, a 30-year-old Redwood City woman who disposed of her newborn baby in a dumpster last year also cut a deal with the prosecutor. She faces one year in prison and 4 years probation after lying to authorities that she gave birth to a stillborn that she flushed down the toilet. The coroner's report showed that the child was born alive; the baby was found in a dumpster wrapped in plastic. Oh yeah, and she has to do some mandatory counseling. She plead no contest to one count of child endangerment.
AS IF THAT WEREN'T VILE ENOUGH, THIS CANDIDATE FOR MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR IS PREGNANT AGAIN AND WILL GIVE BIRTH IN JULY WHILE SERVING HER SENTENCE FOR KILLING THE FIRST ONE.
Hold the phone, Batman. What??? Words fail me. Really. And that never happens.
Troy Ellerman broke the law and what he did was unethical, deceitful, and compromised the rights of his clients, as well as other individuals involved in the BALCO case. He deserves to be punished, as well as disbarred. His credibility is shot, he clearly has no respect for the law or the rules of professional responsibility to which he i sbound, and should probably consider gainful employment at Taco Bell. But more likely, he will write a bestseller and join Mark Furhman in exile someplace where no one watches baseball. He is an embarrassment to the profession and I can't wait for the newest onslaught of lawyer jokes. BUT HE IS NOT A BABY KILLER.
The baby killer gets one year. And another baby. She plead out to one count of child endangerment. How much more endangered can a child be?? The outrageous incongruence of these two cases astounds me. Before I embark on an irrational, emotional tirade, (clearly a departure from my everyday rational demeanor, ha!) I am just going to say that I hope there is more to this story than I got from the news this morning; I hope she is mentally ill or was strung out on drugs or that she had some other type of watershed event or circumstance that might provide some clarity on how someone could commit this type of crime. It would certainly make this ridiculous sentence more palatable.
Maybe I still do want more out of my legal career than just a door and air-conditioning. HHmmmm, better get to the library!!
I haven't posted for the last couple days because, frankly, I have been absolutely riveted by the unmitigated mess that surrounds the death of Anna Nicole. How did that woman have enough energy to have on-going sexual relationships with all those men? I can barely make it to the gym and then to the library in the same day. She was a model, actress (to use the term loosely) mother, girlfriend, and sexual partner to at least 4 different men, all the while grieving for her son. She even managed to get in a couple suicide attempts. Good god! I have no job, no children, just one husband/sexual partner and generally, nothing to do on a daily basis other than study for the bar exam and I can barely make it through the day. It is a damn good day if I get half of my to-do list done. What the hell is in that Trimspa anyway? Crack? Speed? I'll take it! What the hell, I have already been deemed "morally competent" to practice law in the state of California!
Let's take a poll or get together a pool to guess who will be Dannielynn's father. Larry Birkhead is my vote:
I know the picture of the baby is kind of small, but really, how can ya miss the pug nose? That girl is a Birkhead. She is not a fake princess belonging to Prince Cheat On My Sick Wife, who is married to Zsa Zsa Gabor. Nor does she belong to Howard K. Stern. That man just needs to give up the fight and go back to work. He better hope he isn't next! People are dropping like flies down there in the Bahamas, I hope he has an ambulance on stand-by!
BUT, here is my favorite story of the day, not that Tim Hardaway hating gays and Guiliani's "weirdness factor" aren't total gems that I could pontificate on all day. Get ready for it, because it is yet another Constitutional Law lesson.
They kicked a Playboy Bunny out of the military.
Mother of God. Seriously? THIS is what the Air Force is concerning itself with these days?? This is from http://www.foxnews.com/:
SAN ANTONIO — An Air Force drill sergeant who posed nude for Playboy magazine has been removed from active duty, she said Wednesday.
Whether that amounts to an honorable discharge, as Michelle Manhart also says, is unclear. Manhart, who appeared in a six-page spread in Playboy's February issue, said she got word Friday that she was removed from "extended active duty" and was also told that she was demoted in rank from staff sergeant to senior airman.
Manhart, a 30-year-old mother of two, said the military's action against her hinged on the fact that she was pictured in the magazine wearing her uniform. She was photographed in uniform yelling and holding weapons under the headline "Tough Love." The following pages showed her partially clothed wearing dog tags while working out, as well as completely nude. After the pictorial hit newsstands in January, Manhart was relieved of her duties pending an investigation. Manhart said she was given a letter of reprimand in late January, told not to talk to the media and that an "unfavorable information file" was established on her. Her husband is also in the military.
Once again, the military is missing a valuable marketing opportunity. A poster of Miss February in her dog tags and birthday suit will have young men lined up around to the corner to serve their country. What more could a young soldier ask for?? 3 hots and a cot, a hummer, big, loud weapons... and all with a Bunny by his side? We could have this whole Iraq mess put to bed before the 4th of July. Instead of the counter-intuitive "Army of One" campaign, the new slogan could be "Be ALL That You Can Be...With A Playboy Bunny!" or "Not All Female Soldiers Look Like Lynndie England!"
Now for the Constitutional Law discussion...why was she removed from active duty?
Was she discriminated against because of her hot body? Hhhmmmm... possibly only the rational basis test wherein the Bunny will have to prove that the military's actions are not rationally related to a legitimate government interest. She is going to have an uphill battle on that one. I am sure we can all agree that the government has a legitimate interest in their soldiers keeping their clothes on and staying focused on the job at hand.
Discriminated against due to her gender? Gender is only a quasi-suspect class and the government will be charged with proving that removing her from active duty is substantially related to an important government interest. The fact that her male counterparts may not be able to operate their weapons properly in her presence might make their case.
Ha!! I got it!!! That whole free speech, freedom of expression and freedom of association thing! Fundamental rights have to survive strict scrutiny! If Miss February asserts a cause of action that her First Amendment rights have been impinged, the government will have the burden of proving that their actions are necessary to achieve a compelling government interest. The government has only been able to withstand strict scrutiny ONCE. In light of the fact that there is likely not a military base barrack anywhere that is not completely decorated with Playboy posters, magazine and certerfolds, I fail to see how the military is going to pull that one off. Talk about a content-based restriction!
Sadly, my Constitutional Law lesson is going to fall on deaf ears, because Miss February is not bothered by her current fall from grace, let alone moved to pursue legal action. She is currently pursuing a modeling and acting career and claims to be "happy and moving on with my life."
I am sure she just wants to achieve world peace through her modeling and entertainment career.......I can see it now......
"Miss February goes from Boot Camp to Bunny Camp! Next Season on The Girls Next Door!"
This totally adds credit to my theory on the baby's daddy's fighting for the little princess......now someone else wants in on the action.....
From Yahoo News:
LOS ANGELES - The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor said Friday that he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her infant daughter's father. The claim by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, but former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.
OMG!!! Celebrity Death Match Over Baby Dannielynn!!! I couldn't think this shit up!
I shall reserve comment on the passing of the dearly departed Anna Nicole until the autopsy report is released. But I can't wait to see what antics Baby's Daddy #1 and Baby's Daddy #2 are going to pull in trying to determine paternity of the baby.
When you think about it...this is huge. This is way more that just wanting to have custody of the baby and enjoy 15 more minutes of fame. I wonder if Anna Nicole's estate will be able to continue her action to receive her share of her late husband's fortune, which I believe is somewhere in the ball park of $80 million dollars? Since her son died, and the ridiculous faux-wedding of Anna Nicole and her lawyer Howard K. Stern is not legally recognized in the United States, baby Danielynn is her sole heir at law. Which could potentially make Danielynn worth $80 million dollars. Assuming Anna Nicole's suit for the money is not moot. HHmmmmm, I would probably know the answer to these questions if I actually were a lawyer.
So, since baby Danielynn is potentially rolling in it, Larry and Howie are likely gonna take off the gloves and thrown down to get full custody of this baby and all of her money. Talk about Baby Mama Drama!
So, boys and girls, that concludes your Wills and Trusts, Community Property and Constitutional law lessons for today.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch.....read this article about Kim Kardashian. http://www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=9f4c31df-593b-4357-a7ab-494ce429da1d
Kim Kardashian (on the right) is the daughter of the late Robert Kardashian, who was one of the members of The Dream Team, O.J.'s defense counsel. She has apparently brought suit to halt the distribution of a sex tape made while she was with her ex-boyfriend, rapper Ray-J.
NOTE TO HOT CHICKS WHO RUN AROUND NAKED AND VIDEOTAPE THEMSELVES HAVING SEX: If you don't want your naked ass shown on the internet and someone else to profit from it...don't tape yourself having sex!!!!! Or, do what Pam and Tommy did and cut a deal with the distributor for a slice of the profits. God Bless America!
Have you all seen this? This is Tyra's little meltdown about how the media thinks she's fat and is sssoooo mean and if she didn't have such healthy self-esteem she would be starving herself right now. Poor thing. The media takes unflattering pictures of her. And publishes them. Boo frickin' hoo.
If I wasn't studying for the bar, I might have some sympathy. No one wants to be told they are fat, let alone have really shitty pictures plastered all over the place. I get it. The media wants everyone to be skinny and perpetuates eating disorders and society's unending love affair with size 0. No, it's not healthy and women suffering from low self-esteem are vulnerable to the media's influence and will eventually succumb to an eating disorder. Yada, yada, yada.
Tyra, SHUT UP!! I have read about this crap in the news everyday for a least a week. No one really thinks you are fat and if you really have such great self-esteem WHY ARE YOU CRYING ON NATIONAL TV TELLING PEOPLE TO KISS YOUR FAT ASS?!?!?! I contend that if your ass were, in fact, actually fat, you would not be in such a hurry to vote yourself Queen of the Fat Asses Standing Up For Fat Asses Everywhere. As a fat ass myself, I don't need you standing up for me!
Don't we have more interesting things going on? We are still at war, right? I am usually not into watching that on the news either, but it's better than watching Whiny Fat Ass cry on TV. Isn't Gavin Newsome's affair more interesting than this?
And since I am actually studying for the bar exam, I will put this in a legal context for you. Tyra, YOU ARE A PUBLIC FIGURE. You have thrust yourself into the public eye, and in fact, have made millions doing it. You have no reasonable expectation of privacy in any picture taken of you anywhere in public at any time. Not even unflattering ones of you in an ugly bathing suit on vacation. You have spent the majority of your career being photographed in varying stages of undress and NOW you don't want your picture taken? Good God woman, stay your fat ass at home, take your show off the air, be a regular nobody fat ass and then you can sue the media outlets for invasion of privacy, intentional infliction emotional distress, defamation, false light and various other tort causes of action.
So, boys and girls, there is your Torts and Constitutional Law lesson for the day.
Apparently, there are some people who disagree with the advice I gave Hillary to show a little more skin. In case you can't read it, the sign at KFC says:
