Thank you.

Blawgin’ recently posted about how she created her blog to relieve stress and vent, as well as to think out loud and memorialize her musings; and to elicit feedback on certain issues pertaining to life, the law or the bar exam. I could not agree more.

I have a great circle of friends. Friends from every job I have ever had as an adult, friends from law school, college, high school and even grade school. I am very lucky and put a substantial amount of effort into maintaining those relationships. However, I am finding that I no longer want to discuss the bar exam or law school, or whether or not I will ever be a lawyer with my friends. My law school friends are right there with me and they don’t want to talk about it either. My friends that I have made in the work place are all in the legal industry; they are sympathetic and know the overwhelming magnitude of anger, despair, and frustration I have with the process. They are embarrassed for me, and with me. Some have been through it themselves and others have watched people similarly situated go through it.

From other friends, sometimes I get the feeling that they are thinking, “Why doesn’t she just study harder?” “Why can’t she pass?” and “Maybe she’s not as smart as I think she is.” They don’t understand the process and the mind games the bar plays with you. And perhaps more significantly, I don’t think that they believe that one’s ability to pass the bar is in no way related one’s ability to practice law.

My family too, does the best they can to support me. Most of my family has a lot of other things going on, thank god, and I avoid bringing it up; in fact, I wish everyone could just forget that I even went to law school.

Which is why this blog, and the other blogs that I read, have become invaluable to me in terms of dealing the bar exam(s) as well as the aftermath of failing twice. I can obsess about it privately. I can read and read and read about it all I want and no one will know. I do not have to appear pathetic or angry or that I am unable to move on to anyone, especially my husband.

I find it comforting that others are dealing with the same issues I am. I take solace in knowing that some who are going through this are the same age as me, some older. I am relieved to find I am not the only one who gained weight during bar review, not the only one who didn’t wear makeup for days on end, and not the only one who had a nuclear meltdown because Starbucks was out of pumpkin scones. I am also not the only one who wanted to set fire to their law school diploma. And it appears everyone I know online knows some vapid troglodyte that passed the bar exam. Everyone has their own Jackass.

Knowing these things has given me great comfort and for those of you whose blogs I read and who read mine, know that I appreciate your thoughts and rants and diatribes and hope you will continue, until all of us can put this bar exam issue to bed.