Introducing.....

A new blog written by a dear friend of mine:

Sins In Suburbia

If you are a working mother, a wife, or just a woman who likes to read about the crazy things that crumbsnatchers do, check it out.....she rocks!

Not to Toot My Own Horn....

But I am the best wife EVER! I booked our yearly vacation today for next year and guess where me and Perfect Husband are going? San Francisco Giants Spring Training in Scottsdale, AZ. Ding, Ding, Ding, I scored mucho bonus points for that one!!! I tabled all my plans for Fiji, Italy, Spain and Greece. To go to Arizona. Just for my husband. I figured for a winter vacation, Arizona is better than New York, which is where Cooperstown is. And while Perfect Husband, is in fact, perfect, I really don't see a need for more than one baseball-related vacay. I am thinking there is a sparkly trinket in my future.....;-)

In other news, Southern California is aglow with wildfires raging out of control. For my So Cal readers, I hope all is good with you and yours. I find it hard to believe however, that People.com could not come up with a better story than this: Wildfires Threaten Tori and Dean's B&B. Seriously, do we care that one of Tori and Dean's multiple dwellings may or may not go up in flames? Not so much. And apparently neither to they, since they were interviewed at Monday's taping of Dancing with The Stars. Rather ironic, don't you think, for the two home wreckers to have a home that ends up being wrecked????

Words to Live By......

"It's better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6."

~From "We Own The Night"

Kind of a more cerebral way of saying it's better to kill than be killed. I cannot WAIT to use this in every day life.....since I am not a mafioso drug dealer or a cop, I may have to wait awhile, but damn, it's gonna be good when I can throw that one down.....

Alternate Career Choice #4

It is no secret that I love reality television. In fact, all my friends make fun of me for it. I find it interesting that while my friends roll their eyes at me, laugh and say that reality TV is “trash,” they know exactly who and what I am talking about. Admitting it is half the battle, peeps, who do you think you are kidding?

Since Rock of Love has crumbled into a sad little pile of pole-dancing pebbles, I cannot wait for Keeping Up With The Kardashians. A little peek into the life of Kim Kardashian and her peeps. I love Kim Kardashian. I want to be her when I grow up. First, she is smokin’ hot. Second, she seems to be flitting about the world, wearing hot clothes, dating the hot boys and drinking with Paris, Lindsay and Nicole. Such fun; our K-Dash is clearly not the kind of girl that got into a fight with a cartridge of copier toner today. (Note: I did not win.) And really, who doesn’t love a girl who clearly had a hair and makeup team on hand prior to shooting her “accidentally” released sex tape with rapper Ray J? I say, if you are gonna make a sex tape, make it right! Pam and Tommy coulda learned a thing or two from Kim.

So, I googled Kim Kardashian today; http://www.officialkimkardashian.com/. While I love her site because it is a delish shade of pink and has lots of cute pics of tiaras and it plays cute little tunes, I was a little disturbed at some of the information I learned while frolicking about in KimLand:

1. Her production company is Kimsaprincess Productions, LLC. Her father, deceased O.J lawyer Robert Kardashian is rolling over in his grave.

2. Her stepfather is Bruce Jenner. Didn’t she date Brody Jenner? Eeeuueew.

3. Kim is today’s “it” choice for Hollywood closet makeovers. I don’t even know what that means.

4. She has a work out video entitled “Exercise Fit for Princess.” What I love, love, love about this is that it comes with Workout Cards. Workout Cards. WTF? Are these necessary? Will you get a better workout while staring at a cute pink card with Kim’s pic on it? I think maybe they are less “Workout Card” and more “Cards Men Will Buy for Self-Love That Are Easier to Hide Than Playboy.”

A little disturbing to learn that someone who did not, as far I can tell, go to college or achieve any higher level of education, has had no less than five successful careers by the ripe old age of 28.

So, I have decided that Alternate Career Choice #4 is going to be Closet Makeoverist. Seems to veer dangerously close to Person Hired to Clean out My Closet, but nonetheless, a career that does not require a license to practice law.

Some Advice For all You New Lawyers....

So, several states have released their bar exam results already and several bloggers that I read have passed and are now on their way to a long, personally fulfilling and intellectually rewarding career as a lawyer. Here is one teensy piece of advice I am gonna throw out there for ya, one that seems to have escaped the individuals (read: lawyers) that I interact with on a daily basis at work. Here it is:

Just because law school has NOTHING to do with common sense, the practice of law is MEANINGLESS without it, and unless you employ a substantial modicum of common sense on a daily basis, the paralegals that work for you and with you, will believe in their heart of hearts that they can do a better job than you and that they should be runnin' the show.

I'm just sayin'.

So, in addition to the pearl of wisdom above, here are a couple of other things to take with ya and put in your shiny new briefcase as you head off to LawyerLand (a place which I have yet to travel to...)

1. The efficient and organized way to do something is better than the long and laborious way.

2. Precision and clarity are imperative when imparting direction to underlings. Ambiguous direction will allow your paralegal to do it her way.

3. Don't interrupt. Speak in complete sentences. Say what you mean and mean what you say. My crystal ball is in the shop and paralegals are notoriously bad at mind reading.

4. Do not expect responses to emails and/or meeting requests sent at 10:00 pm. Not gonna happen.

5. Don't schedule meetings at 7:00 am. Similarly, don't schedule them at 7:00 pm. If you insist on having meetings at these times, there better be some kick ass food/drinks/snacks. If the snacks are substandard, you can expect little or no participation.

So, I am sure you can see what issues lie before me at work. These are the impressive, weighty and complex issues that us legal scholars tackle on a daily basis while protecting the Constitution....

Whoriffic Heather!!!

Go Colorado!!

Congrats to my cyber-friends in Colorado that passed!!

Just Like a Virus......I'm Back!!

It is with great glee that I say, “I am back!” I have missed blogging, and I am sure my loyal legion of readers (made up largely of people I am related to) have missed me too. Ha!

So, I took a little vacay from blogging because of some family drama I had to deal with, some work drama I had to deal with, and it was my last hurrah as a bridesmaid; I wanted to do it right. But really, what has taken up all of my time since I blogged last is Rock Of Love on VH1 starring (a term used loosely) Bret Michaels. From Poison. Yes, 80’s hair band, Poison. Yes, he is still alive. Barely.

I am so glad that show is over, I can’t even tell you. Me and my peeps at work text each other during the show on Sundays and then discuss it over coffee on Monday mornings. Sad, but true. I have read all the MySpace pages, websites, blogs, etc., that each one of the ROL girls has. Shockingly, their resumes have gone from “exotic dancer” and “escort” to “television personality” and “actress.” I LOVE it because just like with Sunset Tan (did the Olly girls really get fired???), it puts a nice perspective on the practice of law and the bar exam. Really, what is the BFD? No one else is concerned that if they don’t pass the California bar exam they will forever be labeled a loser. Believe you me, peeps, Heather with the 80’s porn hair is not crying a river over what to do with her (questionable) college degree. Magdalena the 10-foot tall tranny is not considering whether or not to take the bar again, or remain a paralegal. Jes the Boobless Wonder is all about makeup and hair, and really, is that a bad way to go? I think not. ROL has made me take myself WAY less seriously. Plus, I am considering some pink streaks in my hair.

(Note: Both of the Offspring LOVE this show. I know, I know, I have been dodging Child Protective Services for weeks.)

And DO NOT even get me started on Britney!!!!